R-E-S-P-E-C-T...that is what he needs from me!
Okay, we're gonna get real here today! I have an embarrassing confession to make: When JJ and I got married 15 years ago, I took out the words "honor and obey" from my marriage vows. While I'm confessing, you should also know I didn't say I would submit to my husband either. I said I would "submit my ideas and dreams" to my husband and trust God's leadership in our marriage. I was a baby Christian, but mainly I was measuring my words to make sure God and my witnesses didn't catch me in a lie.

Oh, I had some serious issues going into marriage (and sometimes still do). Boy has God done a work on me though. Like many women, I was terrified that if I submitted to my husband I'd become a doormat and lose myself somewhere in the middle of letting my husband lead. I regretfully remember one time JJ told me it was easier to let me lead because it wasn't worth the argument to him.

You'd think that's what I wanted - to get my way. But it wasn't what I wanted because JJ became apathetic. Soon I realized I was losing respect for my husband and it was mostly my fault. I wanted him to lead, but when he tried I'd often criticize how he led. It was a mess.

One day I was praying God would change JJ and make him more decisive, more confident, more protective and well, just more what I wanted him to be. God strongly impressed on my heart that my criticism wasn't getting me any closer to my desired result. In fact, my frustration with JJ only contributed to the condemnation of his own insecurities and doubts as a man. (You know they have doubts, too). God also showed me I was fueling Satan's flaming darts aimed at my husband's heart. Here I was joining forces with the one who wanted to take out JJ as the leader of our home.

Through prayer, God showed me that my husband needed me to be his greatest cheerleader, his biggest supporter and to use the power of my words to build up and not tear down my man. He wanted me to keep my mouth closed when JJ was doing something I didn't like or leading in a way I didn't want to follow. He wanted me to be verbally, emotionally and spiritually encouraging when I saw things I appreciated. I was to find things I respected about JJ and let God take care of things I didn't.

I started doing what God told me. I looked for and found things in JJ that I'd never really noticed before; I discovered things that were worthy of respect. It all started over 10 years ago. We've been through so much together now, and followed many of his decisions that scared me: job changes I didn't want him to make; financial investments that seemed too risky; parenting issues that were hard.

I can say with joy that my husband is now the leader of our home. It's taken commitment and many choices to honor him in big and small ways. And although he isn't perfect, he's more the man I dreamed of marrying than I ever hoped he'd be!

As I promised in my P31 devotion today, I wanted to share some practical ways we can honor our husbands and strengthen our marriages:
  • Tell your husband that you believe in him!
  • Don't point out his mistakes, just fill in the gap.
  • Ask God to show you ways to serve your husband.
  • Don't ever say "I told you so."
  • Say "I'm sorry" and mean it when you dishonor him.
  • Say "I forgive you" and mean it when he dishonors or hurts you.
  • Tell your husband that you thank God for giving him to you (and be sure you do).
  • Let him overhear you telling someone something you appreciate about him.
  • Support and encourage his decisions.
  • Praise him when his decisions turn out well and encourage him when they don't.
  • Tell you husband each day about one thing you are thankful for - about his character, his work ethic, his provision, his humor or something his adds to your family.
  • Pray for your husband every day.
Several of these ideas came from my friend Melanie Chitwood's book, "What a Husband Needs from His Wife."

For a chance to win this great marriage book, filled with insights, encouraging ideas and powerful stories, enter my drawing by clicking on the word "comments" below. Then type your name and email address (so I can notify you if you win) in the white box. Choose anonymous if you want to be - just come back to see if you won. I'll announce the winner on Friday. And I'd love to know is if you have any embarrassing or fun marriage stories to tell. If not, what is one thing that makes your husband feel honored? Be sure to ask him if you don't know the answer.


244 Comments:

Blogger Marjolein said...

Hi Renee,

I was reading your blog today and I think it can really help me in my marriage. Thanks for sharing your life to others.

I would love to win this book you were writing about.

Hope to hear from you,
Marjolein van Hoesel ( the Netherlands)
m.c.v.hoesel@gmail.com

Anonymous Debbie Mahoney said...

I found your message very encouraging - as I am a very strong character too and often think I could do a better job than my husband. I find it very hard to respect him and honour his decisions and always want my own way. Your ideas for thinking positively about our husbands is an excellent way to think good things about what God has given us - and they're always for our good.
We are missionaries in central Spain - and battle with the language every day, as well as lots of other trials. Thanks again.

Debbie Mahoney bobanddebatsgm@msn.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was perfect for me today! I was just arguing with my husband about him not being on-time and how it is disrespectful to me and others. I constantly think about how he is unable to make decisions quick, and it can be very difficult for me to handle when I'm making more money than he is and I'm quite a confident person. He, on the other-hand, is very insecure, is content with not moving up the corporate ladder. I said some hurtful things last night and now I understand how important it is to respect him. I know one day he will take control, but I need to learn how to be patient and support him in the meantime (even though it is very hard at times!!!!). It's harder for men to be confident in their lives and we need to stand behind them and be their cheerleaders.
Thank you!!

Blogger Stacey said...

OH MY GOODNESS! This is for me. Prior to us having to leave our home because of the black mold, I was ready to end our marriage. I regretted getting married and was ready and willing to raise my three kids on my own. I had and still have a dear friend who has been praying for me, because she kept telling me, "it's not him Stacey, it's you that has to change." Oh that made me so mad! But what a great friend I have that she would tell me the truth in love. Anyway, the day, the very moment the contractor looked at us and said, get what you have to and get out, my heart began to hurt for my husband. We were being forced out of his home, the home he had grown up in. He felt like a failure and said so. He also hurt because he felt he wasn't providing for his family. Oh it was a painful time. All I know is that the Lord filled my heart with a compassion for him that I have never had. Eventually that compassion has turned into the love that I knew was once there, but was covered and hardened by "if you would do this, then I would do that...." Shame on me. I am still learning to be a submissive wife. I struggle after raising my oldest for over 11 years on my own. Another thing I learned was to learn my husband's love language...touch. Yuck. I'm not good at that, but have been working on it since this entire ordeal has taken place. If we had to leave our home and live in a camper for all these weeks so that I could be a better wife to my husband, it was well worth it. Thanks for being real by the way. That's a good thing!
Stacey Paden
thepadens@cox.net

Anonymous Katherine Arthington said...

This was so timely for me. thank you!

Katherine Arthington
kjarthington1@comcast.net

Renee: I love your devotion and this post today!

Proverbs 14:1: "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." We can build our houses/homes/relationships by building up our husbands, children, friends, etc., in the Lord.

And your devo is such a great reminder that we are influencing our children, who are watching and listening. Whew...what a responsibility! Thanks for the great reminder.

Psalm 101:2
"I will be careful to lead a blameless life—when will you come to me? I will walk in my house with blameless heart."

Still praying for JJ and hoping he is recovering well and finding creativity and real refreshment in the all-liquid diet!

Blogger Karen said...

Thank you so much for these words today. My girl friends and I pray that we will be as iron sharpening iron. That is also what I see in your words! I thank the Father for His timely words of correction and pray for the strength each day to be the help mate I am to be! Thanks,
Karen

Blogger Mitzie said...

Mitzie Renwick
mrenwick@truvista.net
I would love to win the book. You hit a nerve with me.

Anonymous Melanie said...

Melanie Topolewski
topo4@bellsouth.net

My husband and I were married in our 30s. I was very independent as a single mom, a very take charge individual. Just this morning, before reading the devotion, I was asking God to soften my heart, to be more supportive of my husband. He just lost his job last week and has started the painful task of looking for a new one. If ever I need to be supportive, it is right now. Then I read the devotion. It was like God was nudging me and reaffirming that I needed to make a change. Thank you so much for the words you wrote. I would love to win the book you mentioned, knowing that I could put it to good use. Have a blessed day!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Renee,
Your post and devotion were very timely today. I found out my husband was having an affair 3 mos ago and have been convicted about the way I treated him and his need to go outside our home for love and acceptance. I have been trying very hard to show him love and respect in this difficult time. It is harder at some times than others, like this morning when I looked at his cell phone and saw 5 calls to her yesterday, but I feel like your devotion was in my email box for a reason and I am to just continue to show him love and respect. Thanks for your testimony

Anonymous Grace Simpson said...

Hi! Renee,

Today marks a great day for me, its the very first time i have read your views on RESPECT for our husbands.This year we turned 20yrs in marriage with my husband, but its like living in cabin without enough air to breathe.I need this Book you offering because i need to change. I oftern times look only at his failures and not his Positive side.Well maybe its because i have been hurt many times by what he does.
My prayer is that God through his divine grace may transform me into a noble woman,wife and mother to our two kids.Iwant my marriage happiness to be restored.please bless me with this book

Blogger mary m said...

Thanks for sharing words of truth....

Mary M
mmanfre@rogers.com

Blogger Becky said...

Thanks Renee,
I know how easily a small negative comment (or thought) can steamroll into a barrage of negativity.
What a great reminder!
Becky
becca4and4@sbcglobal.net

Anonymous Kelley said...

I'm a witness to it. I remember about a year after you married and we went to the beach, you and I. You had this big picture for your house and we were giving you some chairs...remember? And it was so hard for you to let JJ figure it out b/c you were better at spatial things...anyway I know you are a great wife. Love you,
Kelley Reep
kreep@nc.rr.com

Anonymous Kathy said...

Hi Renee,

Thanks so much for sharing
I'm looking forward to marrying a wonderful man next year and the Lord has been preparing me for this new phase in my life.

Your message is such a blessing and will prepare me for my life long relationship.

Thanks again

Kathy

Blogger Joyful said...

Renee, haven't received the devo yet, but this post is excellent. Always appreciate your authenticity. My heart was even blessed by how honest you were in your vows years ago and didn't want God to catch you in a lie.

You said if we don't know what would make our husbands feel honoured just to ask him. Well, that might work for some - but my guy gets totally silent when I want to discuss deeper things that go more personal. Real heart communication is difficult for him. I feel like I play guess-work so much of the time and I pray alot asking the Lord to show me what would make my husband be honoured and respected.

I do have one funny marriage story though. Year ago we went on a Marriage Retreat weekend. The hosts of the weekend decided to play a version of "The Newleywed Game" on the Friday night. My husband and I were chosen as one of the competing couples.

To make a long story short, we were down to the last question and our score was zero! Everyone else was doing very well. It was embarrassing. The questions had been very personal - not easy like how many rooms in your house etc... All the questions revealed how well you truly DID know each other. We were doing this in front of a room full of couples we knew, so it compounded the situation and although I was laughing on the outside, I was wishing the game would hurry up and end as I knew our friends were truly shocked at how poorly we were doing. They had assumed we were this perfect little couple.

Anyway, in order to give us a chance to still win, the Host decided to make the last question worth 100 points - therefore IF we answered correctly and the other couples didn't, we still could be victorious. They decided to change up the last question and they asked: How does your toilet paper hang on the roll - over or under? Can you believe we answered correctly - the other couples didn't - and we won!!!

We joked at the time that when it came to the important things in marriage - like how to hang toilet paper - we were good. Victory was somehow not as sweet as anticipated, but in many ways it was an eye-opener for us. We had only been married a couple of years and we needed to dig deeper and really get to KNOW one another.

Thanks for encouraging us to have marriages that would honour the Lord.
Love, hugs and prayers,
Joy

Oh Renee----Well said!!! This struggle is as old as the garden. Why we continue to fall for Satan's trick over and over again is beyond me. Thanks for the reminder. Oh....and as a point of trivia, Laura Ingalls Wilder also took the word obey out of her wedding vows. See ya!!

Thank you so much for sharing this today! I have been through a failed marriage, and this is one big lesson that I have learned. In my current marriage, which has a foundation on Christ, I am working each day to encourage my husband, and this friendly reminder to honor him as well.

I would genuinely enjoy this book! My heart weighs heavy to encourage marriages and relationships around me - and I think it would be a great tool for me and to share with others.

Thank you for your message today!
Blessings,
Connie Boyd
mysweetangelt@yahoo.com

Anonymous Diane said...

If I could put your suggestions to work everyday I know my marriage would be better. We struggle a lot and I used to think it was him. But now I think it's me (mostly from starting to read The Love Dare). I'd love to win this book from Melanie. And if not, I'll just go buy it!
Thanks Renee!
Diane
alainasmom@homerco.net

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Renee,
Thank you for your encouragement. My husband and I have had many things to work through in our marriage and using God's word has really helped!! I really enjoy reading your blog. Keep up the good work.
Jessica A.
mariposa5280@yahoo.com

Blogger JottinMama said...

Thanks for being so honest and for sharing this post with us.

I needed that.

How does my husband feel honored? He feels respected when I choose to trust him, instead of having to be in control of everything :)

That sounds like an awesome book! Have a wonderful Wednesday!

Blessings,
Kate :)

Anonymous Stephenie said...

Renee,thanks for sharing. I definitely to hear this. My husband recently had an arguement that probably could have been completely avoided if I had remembered this truth.

Stephenie Carlson
carlson2398@roadrunner.com

Blogger Brittany said...

This is such a hard area for me. My parents did not have this type of relationship so I don't really have any experience seeing this type of marriage, to model mine after. After God has shown me my errors, I soak up this type of advice like a sponge.
We've recently been faced with some financial difficulties due to my husband almost losing his job. Some difficult changes were ahead and my husband sat down with me and said he felt like he was fighting it alone. The Lord showed me what I was doing and I was able to show my husband that I supported him and was behind.. I could tell that he felt honored by that. And I received a sense of security being in submission to him.

I would love to have this book.
Brittany
Miller0712@yahoo.com

Blogger Melissa said...

Hi Renee,
I laughed when I was reading your blog and your devotional this morning. You story about your son and husband is SO "my life"! I am currently reading What a Husband Needs from His Wife and it has helped me to understand my husband's needs so much better and has helped me not to be so angry with him for not being the Christian leader I think he should be. The first thing that really spoke to me in Melanie's book was "I'm not his Holy Spirit". What an eye opener that was for me! LOL

Whoever wins your contest will be blessed!! And ladies for you who don't win, buy the book. It has helped my marriage immensely.

Have an awesome day! Melissa
zieleniewski@yahoo.com

Anonymous Susan said...

I really need this book and would also love to win it. I am trying to battle satan for my husband (it's been three years now and know it will be for the rest of my life). I thought I've learned submissiveness through this, and honoring, but sometimes I feel as if I am a doormat. I've prayed for his redemption and salvation and this has happened!! Praise God. Now our marriage needs healing. I want to try to do what God expects of me as a wife,but more than that I want to do it without fear, with trust, and love and to honor my husband sincerely. Today we are living together as "friends" due to bad decision making on his part when he left home the third time. He hasn't committed yet to our marriage, thus the need to battle. Anonymous, I think I know what you are going through. There was a period when he "came back" that I just honored and respected and I was at peace and he did change, but he wasn't saved yet so his weakness got the better of him. I stopped "claiming" our marriage, but this morning that has changed. Now I am holding God to His Promise. Love, Susan preciamartin@yahoo.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sally Pool
poolhouse@cableone.net
This is my first time to visit your web site. I felt blessed by what you shared today.

I would love to win this book you were writing about.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also struggle with respect, and I can so easily justify it. When I read your words about helping Satan, I felt terrible. I've known for a while that I need to show my husband more respect. Thanks for enlightening me even more.

stocktonj@k12tn.net

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ouch...I find it so hard to feel honoring to my husband because of the many hurtful things he has done (intentionally or unintentionally) through the years because of his own wounds and brokenness. Sometimes I feel as though the whole world depends upon me to make everything right...my kids, my unhealthy "friends"...my husband...I have grown so weary of bearing up under this burden. I know it is right to respect our husbands as God has asked us to....and they to love us and live with us in understanding... Sometimes though...we feel there is no more to give and we are at wits end and hurt and empty and lonely.... Sometimes even God seems distant in those times...and then someone else asks us to give a little more...

I guess we just have to keep looking to God...

Blogger Tammy said...

I was looking for a devotion today that would speak to me and God lead me to yours.

Your blog was very entertaining and heartwarming and just what I needed today.

God is great. I would appreciate being in the pool for your book as funds are limited and I really can't afford any extra luxuries right now.

Thanks for sharing with us.

God Bless,
Tammy White
tam5658@aol.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Renee,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It will help me a great deal. I recently got married on 10/18/08. Making the adjustments is sometimes difficult. You see this is my second marriage, the difference is that he is strong man of valor. This is what makes me love him so. He stands on God's word. I am encouraged.
Sharon Christopher
sharonstp@yahoo.com

Anonymous Becky Cooley said...

My husband is outwardly strong and the leader of our family, but all the things you've said here are true for him, too. We've been married 34 years and raised 3 daughters who struggle with the same thing of how to respect their husbands. I see what you mean about influencing them. I was told the reason God tells women to submit (respect)to their husbands and men to love their wives like themselves is these are the hardest things for each of them to do. We are missionaries in Peru now. We left our home and family in Nov of 2006 in obedience to Jesus. I love to see my husband serve the Lord with all his heart here. I wasn't ready to leave my family but gave up my wants and dreams because I believed my husband was right, that God wanted us to serve him here in Peru. Soon we will add a new daughter to our family. A young girl will come and live with us when she turns 18, December 22nd, after living in an orphanage over 10 years. She needed a home to stay in to finish her highschool years (two more to go)and learn to be independent. God is so good!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love reading your daily devotions on P31. I especially like the one today, because this is something a lot of women struggle with but may be afraid to admit. Thanks for being honest and inspiring!


Kim Rink
mkr99@sbcglobal.net

Blogger me said...

Thank you for reminding us to put God's Word into practice. I've struggled with this issue over the years, especially recently, and can see how it has affected my three sons as well as my relationship with my husband.It's a continous battle between my flesh and The Spirit. I learned these points several years ago, but sometimes still slip into the rut of negativity. I hope to get this book for my son's future wife. Thank you again.

Blogger Pam Black said...

Renee,

Thank you for your blog today and the devotion. I have been struggling with my mariage and husband during the past week. I know I need to be a submissive wife, but I have always been very indepedent and am having a very difficult time with the submission part. My husband has been a christian for a long time, but did not attend church or other religious activities with me until a couple years ago. He does want me to submit, but sometimes it feels more like a dictatorship than a loving husband. I think this book would help me greatly see what I need to do to be the submissive wife my husband wants.
Thanks you for the blog.

Pam Black spblack05@yahoo.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for your honest and inspiring words.


Kim
mkr99@sbcglobal.net

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Renee, thanks for sharing. We attended a marriage conference about 3 weeks ago and came back re energized for our marriage but amazing how quickly once we are back in reality the old habits set in. I have been having a tough week and certainly not respecting my husband...your words really hit home and spoke to me today.

Thanks

KSV

Blogger me said...

Please enter me in the drawing.
Kathleen Jones
kjaurora1@gmail.com

Blogger Leebird said...

Hey lady,

Thanks for this post. My husband has so much wisdom and such a level head on him, so I don't know why I try to sabbatage his leadership sometimes. I'm working on it with God's help.

One time, Cliff told me the way he feels most loved by me is knowing I pray for him.

He also really likes it when I sit at his computer with him and listen to music he has just written and recorded.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I honor my husband, my marriage is stronger. God has shown me this over and over. I needed the reminder again.

Lori
lj75189@yahoo.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for your message!

Kelli
kandrews@fairfield.k12.in.us

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cathy Newson
cnewson@ffslaw.net

I have such a struggle with this issue, thank you for the encouragement.

Needed this today!

Melissa Brown
browngirl1105@yahoo.com

Blogger Kelly said...

Hi Renee,
I would love to win Melanie's book on marriage. One thing I have learned (but don't always practice it perfectly!) in 20 years of marriage is that "a soft answer turns away wrath". I have noticed if I watch my tone and volume of my voice when responding/reacting it makes a huge difference!

Blogger April said...

This is just what I needed to read. I am currently stuggling with my role as a godly wife. Submission isn't something I have ever done, but my marriage is in trouble and I know that I play a huge part in it.

Thanks
April Doyle
adoyle@ripnet.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kimberly Benigni. kebenigni@yahoo.com. I've been married 11 years and am looking for more ways to support my husband to be the spiritual leader God has called him to be.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for this blog article and the Prov 31 devotion about honoring our husbands. This is an area I need to improve.

Karen
gibbyestates@yahoo.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

renee
your blog was wonderful today..i totally understand the football thing! i have also struggled with being submissive...but after reading everyone else's blog..i am blessed..i would love to have the book, would you let us know how to purchase as i would rather you give to one of the other ladies..

Anonymous jackiedema@comcast.net said...

Thank you, we just celebrated our 23rd. wedding anniversary this past Saturday. It is NEVER to late to learn how to be the wife God created us/me to be. I still am learning everyday what a wonderful man I married. I want to learn how to truly honor him and teach our children at the same time.

Thanks.
I hope to hear from you on Friday
Jackie D.

Anonymous Jennifer said...

Thank you for your devotional. I have struggled, too, with being honoring with my words. It's so easy to judge our husbands for their weaknesses and so not what God wants us to do.
My husband's job is in jeopardy, after 18 years, because of jealous and unkind supervisors and it has been a wonderful opportunity for me to encourage him and build him up with my words and prayers. God has given me such a sense of calm about this and reassured us that He "knows the plans" He has for us.
The book you are giving away sounds great. I know God will direct it to someone who really needs it.
God bless you!
Jennifer
jennifer_doering@ahni.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

thanks so much for the devo. It is where I am right now, and your words are encouraging to press on, and to know that many other Christian women struggle with this issue. It can sometimes be confusing to know what our part is, and what God's part is. We just have to unwrap our tight little grip on the situation and hand it to God...(over and over.) :-)

Blogger Hayley said...

Hayley
HayleyConwell@gmail.com
I would love to win this book since I have just been married for 9 months and are still learning the ways to support and honor my husband.
Thanks

Blogger Gail said...

Thank you for your helpful tips and for reminding us of what our role is to be as a wife!

Gail Kowalski mrsk1321@yahoo.com

Anonymous Kristy S. said...

Thank you for this message - it's just what I needed to hear today. Things aren't going well at home and I need to work on being a Godly wife, and let God take care of transforming my husband. I need to work on surrendering my need to be the fixer and let God work things out.

-Kristy
kasiddel@bellsouth.net

Blogger Angels said...

My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years, and right now he is in his first semester at seminary. I have always thought I was pretty good about submitting to my husband, but I am learning that my idea of submission is a little off from what it should be. Though it's hard to admit, I have not honored my husband as I should in this year that we have had so much transition and change. It breaks my heart! I have sacrificed staying at home with our two year old son so that I can work and receive a scholarship so that he can go to school. Sometimes Satan convinces me that my husband doesn't deserve my honor and respect because I am already giving up so much. I know that is a lie straight from Satan, and I am striving to fight that. Often times I forget that honoring my husband honors God. Thank you for allowing God to use you; I NEEDED those words this morning, even if they hurt!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Michele
micheleburton@hotmail.com

Anonymous Nancy said...

Thank you for your words of encouragement. This is something that speaks to my heart.
nbriski@hotmail.com

Anonymous Sheila :) said...

Thank you for this insite today. I have always wanted my husband to be the leader of the family but I realized that I was telling him how to lead. I pray that I can put some of these ideas to work and be my husbands helpmate and not tell him how I think that he should lead.
sboyd1439@bellsouth.net

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I needed this reminder today. I too am thankful for my husband but find it easier to not let him know how much I honor him. During this unstable time it is more important than ever. I know this book would make a difference in our marriage for the good. Thank you for your honesty in sharing.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Renee,
I just got a irritated with my husband this morning because he forgot to bring the banana he didn't eat at lunch back in the house, but left it in his truck several days. My goodness, a wasted banana!!! :) I accused him of stupidity!! Then I sat down and read your devotional. Yikes - I will now trust Christ to help me honor my husband.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you, I needed this today. My husband has said and done many hurtful things over our 24 years of marriage. This on top of raising three children with their needs & issues, has led to much depression for me and financial issues which are my fault. I love my husband, but it has caused resentment and other issues. Our marriage is struggling right now. I pray every day about this. I just started receiving the devotions a few months ago, and so many of them are speaking to my heart. This week has been especially tense between my husband and I, we have barely spoken to each other. I'm worn out. Maybe this book will help me see him differently.

Thank You.

Anonymous Leslie Opachan said...

Renee,

As someone who loves her Pastor boyfriend with all her heart, I hope and pray that I continue to honor him EVERY DAY when we are united in marriage. Forgiveness is a wonderful gift from God. Thank you for your words of wisdom for women who are married now, as well as future wives.

Blogger MaryLu said...

"my criticism wasn't getting me any closer to my desired result."
Oh my goodness! What an epiphany! We can really hurt with our words sometimes, that is true.
I haven't been by here in a while, I read in an RSS Feed in my email box, but I just had to come by and tell you how moving these words were to me.
I read a great book about 10 years ago, The Excellent Wife, by Martha Peace, she talked about many of those same things.
Good stuff, we can neverget enough good marriage instruction.
Thanks again, (btw, been praying for JJ, that he recovers quickly.)

Blogger Thorunn said...

Thorunn Taylor
tota@cfl.rr.com

Blogger Shannon said...

I so needed this today! We are in a tough time with my husband who has been out of work for a year now, me working and carrying the financial support, and both struggling to see what the lesson and glory is to come out of this trial! There are more days than not that I have this same attitude because of the circumstances and continue to pray to let go of teh Type A personality. We are praying for our family and to come out of this ok soon...but at the same time, I am praying for the Lord to give my husband the desires of his heart, a job and the means to support our home financially. Thank you for the words and support. Please pray for us!

Blogger Traci said...

I really needed this today. My marriage has been struggling for sometime now. It is very hard for me to keep my mouth shut when I dont like something that he has done or said in front of my kids. I have 3 kids from a previous marriage and that makes it difficult to keep quiet sometimes when I dont agree with him. He is a good man and I tell him that all the time, however I know that I could honor him more than I do. I thank god for people like you to give me that encouragement that I need so badly.

Anonymous Kathy Weekley said...

Hi Renee,
It seems that everytime I need to hear something from the Lord He makes a way.
Last night I was still upset with my hubby because I had asked him to take out the CHristmas Decorations on Monday and he "forgot". So when I got home from work last night, there were the decorations on the back porch (Not where I asked him to put them)and our daughters tree out front in the yard. I immediately began my tyrant..."you don't listen to me" you do whatever you feel like doing and nothing more" well, he blew his breath out and of course I said"don't blow at me!" He then didnt talk to me the rest of the evening. Was I wrong for being upset? No, I was wrong for talking to him the way I did and showing him no respect. I have asked the Lord to forgive me and now I am going to call my hubby at work and ask his forgiveness also.
Thank you for the wonderful words you put out...YOU do cause an effect in peoples life's.
Your Sister in Christ and His Daughter,
Kathy

Blogger Joanie Butler said...

Just wanted to give two big thumbs up for Melanie's book, "What a Husband Needs from His Wife." I just finished leading a bible-study group utilizing this book and the transformation that I witnessed in the lives of the ladies and their marriages humbled me! It was such an honor to bear witness to the work that God did through that study. It was the third time that I had read the book and I learned things that I had missed on the first two readings. Melanie's book and God's abundant grace, have drastically improved my relationship with my husband and I give God all the honor and praise!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed your devotion today. My husband can be a little difficult at times, and I have to ask God for help dealing with him. I really believe that God has put us together to complement each other, and we each bring different personality traits (he's a driver, I'm more passive) to the marriage. I know that I need to honor him and appreciate the things about him that I found attractive when I first met him! Thanks--

Anonymous Sara Munoz said...

Wow!! My husband and I have been married for 4 years and have two beautiful boys. As I was reading your story I was "watching" the whole scene in my head. Talk about putting it into perspective. I am 22 and my husband is 24. I have always been the more mature person in the relationship and I tend to treat him as if he were just being immature. I caught myself thinking one day he'll grow up and we can have real grownup conversations. After all we're not teens anymore. God has recently started working on me about this issue of respecting him and honoring him and seeing the mature man He is creating him to be through God's eyes. This journey has only just begun!!!! Your devo spoke right to my heart this morning. Thank you and God Bless!!!!

Sara Munoz (Yorktown, Tx)
samunoz04@sbcglobal.net

Blogger Mary said...

i don't know what to say... this is an answer to prayer... broken i stand before HE who is Creator of all and submit my broken, sinful, rebellious self to HIM pleading with HIM to forgive me, help me to forgive my husband and to heal this marriage that exists on paper only...after spending the better part of three years separated, with four failed relationships between us there is much to work on, much forgiveness to walk in and much to be mended, but there are also six sons and a daughter to be greatly influenced here... please, if you pray pray for me, him and us... there could not be more at stake that i get this lesson on respect. i'm still raising five of the seven children in my home, i am grieved by failure and am in desperate need for GOD"S hand to move in this situation!
peace to you
thank you

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great word today! Thanks for sharing with such honesty. This is something I really need God to help me with. My heart is right, I want to honor my husband but it is so hard when your whole life men have done nothing but hurt you or the ones you love. You know you kind of start to lose respect for all men. But by the grace of God it can be restored for me and my hubby. He is such a sweetheart to put up with me. I do thank God for him and I pray I can become the wife God has intended me to be to him. He deserves to be honored. Oh dear God help me to change. Thanks again for the reminder.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Reading the devo and blog comments have been a blessing to me today. Thanks to all for your comments - that more than anything let me know that I am not alone. As Pam B mentioned below, I have been on my own and independent for so long that I find it extremely challenging (if not impossible) to be the submissive wife that my husband of two years wants and expects. Are there others in my situation who are older (mid-40's), recently married and faced with live changing events in day to day normal type things that 'I've always taken care of'? To add to the issues that we face, financially I am the majority contributor to our household finances - an area of frustration and resentment from my dh. I've always thought that with love and respect and mutual decision making, that challenges would be faced with discussion followed by love and respect. In my current situation, I, too feel that I'm in a dictator relationship (or that's what he wants). I've learned that a soft word can diffuse many an argument, and what I struggle with as a believer is this - and this is where I would appreciate your comment.

I feel that I'm having to change me - to speak in a different tone, in different words, to keep the peace so that he will love me. Where is the responsibility of the dh to not fly off the handle, to not yell, throw things, etc? How can I continue to be positive and prayerful, while changing myself all for the betterment of our marriage while I feel that my dh is not working to do the same for us?

This has been an extremely stressful period for us and we've struggled for most of our 2 year marriage. We are at the point of separation to work through these issues. Your prayers would be appreciated as this has been hard for both of us.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

“My husband is some grandeur guy then I deserve” – I wrote that poem years ago when I was exasperated with the way life was turning out. Why, because he is always, and I mean always, positive with his faith strong in the Lord that God, our heavenly father, is our faithful provider. And me, I haven’t always supported my husband’s choices – but my husband has always loved me, supported and carried me along when I am emotionally not strong.

This year I left my job as an administrative assistance due to job stress and the stress of my parents’ failing health. My emotions are like a rollercoaster and our finances are not so strong. But my grandeur guy is the grandest of them all – loving me and staying strong in the Lord. I appreciate my husband now more than I ever have and my love for him is stronger and better.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My 18 yr. marriage feels so hopeless. I hope your book can help. Years of prayer, counselling, marriage seminars, books, CD's, etc... nothing seems to get to my husband's heart. I'm weary and so sad for our children. I will never leave them a legacy of divorce, but what a twisted view they see of marriage and I'm tired of hiding it from others and trying to make up for my husband to my babies. Even the "Fireproof" movie and workbook he is doing doesn't seem to be working. It's more like a a "to do list" than a heart issue. Please pray for us.

Trusting God,
Liz

Anonymous MJ Schexnayder said...

Good Morning,

Just reading through your ideas about R-E-S-P-E-C-T and find myself failing again as a wife. I've had and am still having issues with being a submissive wife. Author Beth Moore has given me some guidance, but, the Lord, My Savior, is still telling me I need to do more. I'm hoping that this book your giving away would be a spiritual motivation for me to continue growing as a submissive wife.

Sincerely,
M.J. Schexnayder
jschex03@hotmail.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"You don't respect me." is a hard thing to hear from one's husband. The book "Love & Respect" defines these terms more precisely and what they mean to the woman (love) and the man (respect). While it is difficult to struggle with these issues in my marriage, it is encouraging to know that others are dealing with them as well. We need to pray for one another's marriages. So many of my Christian friends are divorced. My kids have more friends from divorced parents than not. Satan would like nothing more than to make my and your home the next divorce statistic! Thanks for what you do - it's worth it!

sherylschnare@gmail.com

Blogger Michele Elliott said...

After 25 years of marriage to my dear husband, I can say we are more blessed in our marriage than ever before. It wasn't always that way! I came into our marriage with a lot of baggage from abuse and dysfuntion perpetrated by the men in my life. I too had committed not to "submit" to any man again. My poor husband was punished by the sins of my past! Your devotional & blog today reminded me of the same journey that God has led me on that has brought us to the blessings we have today. The most important thing I learned was that in not trusting & honoring my husband - I was not trusting and honoring my Father. And when I turned it all over to Him, He gave me so many things to work on in myself that I didn't have time to "fix" my husband. And if I had been my husband's "fixer" the results would have been very disappointing. Only God can do the internal work that needs to be done in each of us to bring the best results.
Thanks for your message today! I hope many women will be blessed by God's Truth in it.
Michele Elliott (Coon Rapids, MN)
chelelliott@comcast.net

Boy~Oh~Boy... did I ever need this!!! Thank you for sharing this w/ us today. I am standing firm on this one... with the Lords help.

Please enter me into the giveaway... Pamela Anthony
beehindthyme@windstream.net

Anonymous Anonymous said...

thanks for such great and insightful ideas:) I would love to read the book and find more ways to honor my husband:) thanks so much
Karen olivieri
olivieriny@verizon.net

Blogger Mary Beth said...

Thank you for this very timely reminder. This year has been one of many struggles, and what seemed at the time like many defeats, in our marriage, but through God's willingness to stand in the gaps, we've overcome and are working together to get back to the couple God brought us together to be. Though I've felt hurt, I still need to honor the man my husband is and pray for his heart- not that he would change. Thanks again for the wonderful reminder!

Mary Beth
gertsbride@gmail.com

Blogger jen said...

preach it sister - a great reminder, thanks

Anonymous Lauren LaPrade said...

I really enjoyed this devotional and post. I printed them out to reread. I need serious work in this area. Thank you for being honest and helping other wives.

Lauren LaPrade
lmb112884@yahoo.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Renee,
What an encouraging message! Sometimes I forget that my husband has needs too. I came from a home where my daddy let my mom lead for the sake of arguments. when my husband and I got married, I fussed about everything. He would bear hug me when I began to fuss and hold me saying "I love you" over and over again until I finally calmed down. It took him about 6 months of doing this before God showed me what my husband was doing. My husband does love me and what he wanted me to know was that our marriage was not going to suffer over silly arguments. He is a great Godly man and I couldn't have asked for a better husband.

Haley
hperryman@alltel.net

Blogger RefreshMom said...

Thanks for the reminder. I'm fairly good at not tearing DH down, but not so good at actually building him up, and I know he needs that. I do need to make more conscious efforts in this area.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the encouragement. I've been trying to do those kinds of things with my husband lately. Even though in my heart I know it is the Godly (wifely) way to live, I still ache on the inside for the type of husband I have. He refuses to go to church with me and our 3 sons. He drinks all the time. Every other word out of his mouth is foul. Of course, I get the blame for his actions because 6 years ago I left him for one month because Satan had me convinced that someone else was better but I decided to go back and make my marriage work. Now, the only reason I stay is because that is what God wants me to do and my sons deserve a home that is together and not broken.

Thank You for this blog today.

Dee
bd5coleman@yahoo.com

Blogger GrammaGrits said...

Oh, how often we need encouraging in this area. One thing I work on continually (37+ years of marriage) is not interrupting my husband's speech to 'get the facts straight'!!!

Thanks for the book giveaway and God bless you!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you, Connie

Anonymous Annette said...

I have made the mistake you wrote about it the P31 devotional too - choosing the wrong time, place and tone. Thank you for showing I'm not alone and for the encouragement to make it right.

I'd love to win the book too! Please enter me in the giveaway.

Blogger cristi said...

Hi Renee,

My sister sent me your blog to read. I too have been struggling with getting my husband to be head of our household but I won't let me. I am working on getting myself right. Reading your blog helped me understand that this is NOT going to happen overnight. Thank you.

I think it would be great to win your book. I feel that it would help me with understanding what I need to accomplish in succeding to get my husband to be head of our household. I appreciate the time that you have taken to share this information.

Love,
Cristi Hoakison
cristi@cmcpc.us

Blogger The Wetzel Clan said...

Wow! I really needed to read this today. Thank you Lord for leading me to this blog today. Renee, thank you for your kind encouragement. I'd love to win this book.
Have a blessed day,
Dawna Wetzel
wetzelclan@epix.net

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your message today certainly hit home. I confess I routinely lead in our marriage, usurping my husband's beautiful gentle nature. I definitely will pray, reflect and repent (and read the book!)

Blogger Angela said...

I subscribe to the Proverbs 31 daily devotionals and read the one from you today about honoring your husband. I really think God is trying to work with me on how I treat my husband.

I just got married in April 08 and have been having a difficult time learning how to let my husband lead. I really want him to lead but I keep putting him down because I think I could do something better. I do have good intentions and comment on things because I want to teach him ways to do things better... and thus easier. However I am beginning to see that is not what God wants me to do.

I am currently reading "A Woman After God's Own Heart" by Elizabeth George and the chapter that I read last night before going to bed talked about how I need to serve my husband every day. Then I get the Proverbs 31 devotional and the link to your blog this morning. I really think that is something that I need to work on. Thank you so much for sharing your story and providing me with some good tools to work on implementing. I hope you have a great day!

Angela
angeladriskell@gmail.com

Blogger Angel said...

Hi Renee,
The story I thought of took place in the first few months of my marriage. My husband was in the Marine Corps, and he came home one day and realized he forgot to get his haircut. He had an inspection in the morning. Well we lived out a ways from town and he did not feel like driving back into town. So I offered to cut his hair. He politely said no thanks. Well the next morning when he kissed me goodbye while I was still in bed and half asleep, I noticed his hair seemed a bit off and he said he trimmed it himself. I told him I could fix it for him and he politely said no thanks.
Well weeks passed and we were over at a friends house, and they were talking about needing their haircut and jokingly said don't ask Angel to do it. I looked at them strangely and then the truth came out. At his inspection the Sgt. walked circles around my husband and asked him what has happened to your hair. My ever so sweet and polite husband said, "Never let your wife cut your hair."

Angel Latham
Lathamfam2002@yahoo.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Deb Kinney
dkinney@odu.edu

Blogger kerri bowling said...

Hello Renee,

Thank you and Thank God!!!
I am currently reading and "trying" to do the Love Dare, and WOW I needed this today!
I love all your alls emails, they bless me in so many ways.
Thank you again, a million times over!
Isn't God great!!

Blessings,
Kerri Bowling from Kentucky

Blogger Phil said...

YES!!! "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" is what makes my husband feel most honored. Thanks so much for your encouraging words...for sharing from your heart...giving clear ideas and suggestions about how to love and honor my husband.
Love, Rachel

Blogger Phil said...

Renee,
I forgot to write in my e-mail address.
It is philandrachelstucky@gmail.com
Thanks!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for your encouraging words. My husband and I have a new baby. It has been a wonderful change, but has also put some new strain on our marriage. I needed this reminder about how to respect him in all things.
Melinda
melinda_17@yahoo.com

Blogger Cheri Bunch said...

This is so good, Renee'.
I have learned so much the hard way concerning marriage. Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom. You give very practical advice. I have found that so much of it comes down to trust. I struggle with that a lot. Trusting God......trusting my husband's leading.....trusting enough to let go and let them lead!

Blessings to you my dear friend!

Love you,
Cheri

Blogger Neneng said...

Thank you for sharing your life. I know I need to work harder on honoring my husband.

Blessing,
Florida

Anonymous Jerri Lewis said...

This really spoke to me today. I have been dealing with the same issues and just this morning!! I thank God that I opened and read this email this morning!
I would love to win this book!!
Love,
Jerri Lewis (I know don't laugh at my name! lol)
lewis122906@windstream.net

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Renee,
Thank you for sharing your life. It is a powerful testimony. I know I need to work harder to honor my husband especially in area of "P" pride.

I would love to get a copy of this book.

Blessing,
Florida in CA

Blogger Denise said...

Renee, Boy was I convicted today. Amazing how God gives us the right words at the right time. I have been feeling all these feelings toward my husband and letting myself get very low. Your blog made me put things in perspective and I feel better already. It made me remember all the good things about him and why I married him. Thanks for this. denise.mitchum@gmail.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Timely encouragement! Thanks for the great reminders to cheer our men on! I would love to win this book! Thanks -

thetylers419@att.net

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know this has always been my hardest cross to bear and I so needed a "God/Renee reminder"
I love you Friend! See you soon ~ Kim

P.S. Please sign me up for the Book drawing!!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My husband is about ready to call it quits with me because I have been dishonoring and disrespectful.

this is just what I needed to "hear" today.

Thanks,
Janet

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a struggle this area is for so many of us! Thank you for posting and being so transparent.
kerri_c_johnson@yahoo.com

Blogger Sandi Hixson said...

GREAT POST!
always something we, women, need to work on!
i would love the book!

Blogger Janice said...

I really needed to read your blog today and remind myself to see the good in my husband and not focus on the negative. I have been married for 36 years, but I still need to be reminded of my place as my husband's helpmate.
I would love to get this book to read and pass on to my daughter and 3 daughter-in-laws.

Janice Kesterson
jkendall22@gmail.com

Blogger Karen said...

This was a wonderful reminder of what I need to be doing more in my marriage! As God blesses us we need to be more mindful of the blessings of our husbands - and show it in our love for them!

Thanks,
Karen Loveless
karenloveless@gmail.com

Blogger jlknudson said...

Thank you so much for sharing your heart in this article! It is very encouraging and timely....just like God to provide what we need to see and hear! I think this book looks great and I know my family would be blessed by receiving it!
God bless you and your ministry!
Jennifer jlknudson@integrity.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for your blog. What you wrote today hits right at home for me. I've been seeing this in my marriage, but have been having a hard time giving up my control. Thank you for your encouragement. I'll be coming back for more!

Dana Hepler
bh_dh@comcast.net

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My husband is not saved amd he is a hard man to live with. I love him and I praise God for him not to stop me from going to church. I long to fellowship with him. I am praying for his salvation.

Anonymous Mpapador said...

The more I thought I was "helping" my husband with my advice, the worse our family dynamics became. Trying to juggle a blended family was a huge job and my distespe tful attitude didn't help at all. God intended for the husband to me the leader--it doesn't work any other way!! It took 10 years to figure this out-I'm glad we did!

Blogger JesusRulzMe said...

Hello sweet sister Renee,

I'm sorry I've not visited in a while, but better late than never! First, I'd like to thank you for your kind comment on my blog. It was a JOY to interview you and get to know you better.

Second I LOVE this post as teaching biblical submission is my passion and you'll find this funny, but has been for 10 years! Can you believe the timing?

What you shared here is actually in the study God has called me to write. If you're interested, it's found in WEEK #2.

Thank you for being so "real" with us...that's just ONE of the things I love about you! :-)

Sure do love you sister,
Sunny

Anonymous Teresa Smtih said...

Teresa Smith
teresa.smith07@gmail.com

Thanks for the encouraging words you have and are sharing with us to inpsire, lift up and encourage our husbands.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not much I can say that everyone else has not. It is so difficult to die to ones self. Thank you for your encouragement.

Margaret, TX

Blogger Amber said...

Hi,
This really hit home with me today. God has been dealing with me in this exact area for a while now. I will do well for a while and then blow it completely and then find it very hard to get back to doing what I am supposed to do. I think that is the Enemies way, to try to keep you down when you fall. Anyway, thanks for putting this "in my face" again, as I really needed it. It is also good to know that I am not alone. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with us. You have no idea what God is doing through you.

Amber Jackson
hamnrye@comcast.net

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the devo. and blog. I'd love to win the book. Thanks
Heather
hwebster@vt.edu

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praise God for this devotion. It truly touched my heart and encourages me to be the wife God would have me be, a Proverbs 31 woman. Every once and a while, we need to be reminded to watch our words, thoughts and actions toward our husbands. I can totally relate with my "tone of voice".
May God Bless you:)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is my first time reading your blog & I have added you to my favorites listing!! This is a great tool for wives & marriages!! My husband & I do Pre-marital Counseling at our church & I feel this info would be very helpful to women entering into marriage!! God bless your ministry!!

I would love to win this book!!!

Sophia Amasol
samasol@hawaii.rr.com

Anonymous Amy O said...

What a great message for me today. My husband and I are currently looking into the face of divorce. Maybe this book is just what we need most!
Amy O.
sugar.doodle@yahoo.com

Anonymous Shelley said...

thanks for your words of truth!

Shelley (MI)
skransberger@yahoo.com

Anonymous Kris from California said...

Wow, this column really hit so many of us. There are so many great comments here today. As I read it I thought about how my Mom treated my Dad like he was an idiot, and I did the same with my husband. We had four years of hell, and then our marriage was transformed by the grace of God, as my husband gave his life to Christ and I got off the fence finally. I quickly learned that: 1) my husband was smart and capable, 2) if I let him, he would make good decisions, 3) he was aware of his mistakes and would make the needed changes, I didn't need to make him feel worse. As he started being the "man of the house" - things ran smoother, I relaxed and stopped being an anxious nagging wife, my fears didn't transpire, and he made good and right decisions about things. I found out, that he is RIGHT 99% of the time. I stopped getting my way, and I got MY MAN. We are going on 13 years now, and I can always use a reminder to love and honor him more. Thank you.

Blogger Digging for Pearls said...

Hi Renee,

I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Sure would love to win the book as well.

Jodie Wolfe
digging4pearls@comcast.net

Blessings,
Pearls

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks so much, Renee

Debbie
johndebesl2008@yahoo.com

Anonymous Ilana Lunn said...

I've been working on encouraging and building up my husband.. its not easy since I used to be (and still am sometimes) a critical person. I've also been working on being more submissive and honoring him.

Thanks so much for your blog today!

Ilana Lunn
godsroses2@hotmail.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my gracious...I just say that you've given me so much joy today visiting your blog (I still don't know what blog means...) I get emails from P31 everyday and thought I would read this one through. Girl...I was blessed. Thanks!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your thoughts are so insightful! I plan to put them into action in my marriage- Thanks Teri Etheredge
terietheredge@aol.com

Blogger Laurie Ann said...

Renee, your devotion and post really touched my heart. I didn't submit to my husband during the first years of our marriage, and my reasons mirrored yours. When I really began praying for the Lord to change him, God led me to pray that I would be the one to change. Day by day, my eyes were opened to see that the man I was to honor didn't need much changing at all - it was my attitude that needing adjusting. We had a blended family and that made it more difficult. As I began to change, Steve's eyes were opened to the kind of leadership I desired in our home, and oh, did he lead - and very well! Submitting to him and honoring him seem to be synonymous for me. I remember the first time he asked my opinion on something and instead of giving it to him, I told him that I trusted him 100% to make the decision that needed to be made and I would support him 110%. He asked me if I had a twin and if this was a trick! LOL!

Blogger Pamela said...

How funny! To see R-E-S-P-E-C-T at the title of today's blog. I came over from the P31 devotional. That is something I'm trying to understand. My husband made a comment to me about not respecting him and I had to ask him what he meant. I guess there are times he feels that I'm not respecting him and I'm feeling misunderstood. This is something I'm trying to learn more about and understand better.
Thank you for today's devo and tips. Quite helpful!
Pam
pkraycik@gmail.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Renee:

Your devotional today caused a loud "OUCH!" to come out of my mouth. I realized that I have been choosing how I will respect my husband, which is so different from what he needs from me and how God wants me to behave as his wife. I confess right now to the sin of selective hearing. Thank you for your honesty and suggestions.
I would love that book!

Blessings -
Leian in Salt Lake
leian3@aol.com

Anonymous Ruth said...

Ruth
ruthj1021@netscape.net

Hi Renee,
I love this blog. I have been trying to find ways to honor my husband and just make him feel loved.
I would love to win this book.

Thank you for your honesty sharing your life with us so we can learn and be blessed.
Blessings to you and your family.
Ruth

Blogger kerri bowling said...

Hey Renee,

That was amazing,every woman needs to hear this encouragement! Praise God!!! Being a respectful and submissive wife can be incredibly hard at times. I am currently reading and trying to do the Love Dare, and this is bascially what the book says. Love is such a confusing subject. It's awesome, but confusing.
Thanks for your daily devotions. I love and appreciate you all very much!
Just what the doctor ordered, or should I say what our Lord ordered!!!
Kerri from Kentucky

Blogger Julianna said...

Thank you so much for your encouraging words. God has really used this to open my eyes to what I have been doing. I have often done the same thing - praying for God to change my husband to be leader of our home - MY WAY. I want to submit and have him be the leader of our home, but then I don't trust him (or Him) enough when he does make a decision and then try to change it or pray for God to change his heart.

It looks like that book could really help us - thanks for introducing me to it.

Julie Hull
sweetpea.hull@gmail.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ugh! It's me, not my husband that needs work:) I too have been praying for God to go to work in my husband. I guess reading this today is God's way of saying "You're not helping" nicely. This isn't what I wanted to hear, but it's definately what I needed to hear. I need to RESPECT him in EVERYTHING. It's amazing the fog that has cleared from my heart and mind after this blog. I'm going to start today to honor and respect him more. Thank you for this. Now I'm looking forward to a wonderful marriage instead of just an average one!
Christ's love
Heidi
willheididw@yahoo.com

Anonymous Beth said...

wow...did I ever need to hear THAT. I'm a military spouse and mother of six. Four of our children were adopted at various ages between birth and 8 years.

My husband is a hard-core military man with a soldier's mentality. He wants our five sons to be tough like men, and yet, so often I feel that he misses so many opportunities to show them the softer side of manhood.

My husband is a GREAT provider, but he's hardly "hands-on". That means I'm the one who is always taking them under my wing to do what I do best....baking cookies, making crafts, etc. I surely dont go out in the yard and play football.

I'm often frustrated that my husband doesnt get more involved in their daily activities, especially since he's often gone for exteneded periods of time. I feel anger at my husband and resent that I'm the one left holding the bag.

TOday's message reminded me, however, to celebrate the many things my husband DOES get, and not to focus so much on what doesnt meet my expectations. If I focus on the negative, we all lose.

thanks, beth

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Becky Bouldien
becbouldien@hotmail.com

Anonymous Wendi said...

I love you message today. As I was reading it I was thinking of all my married friends I could send it to. Wonderful words! Thanks!

What honors my husband? He loves a clean house which is my biggest weakness. I am trying really hard.

Wendi - wendio@suddenlink.net

Anonymous ruth said...

I have been looking to find ways to honor and bless my husband. This is perfect timing. Thank you for being a blessing.
Ruthj1021@netscape.net

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Renee,
Thank you for sharing your experience. Several years ago after yet another one of my 'I'm just trying to help' comments my husband asked "Why do you always have to be so critical of me?" Talk about bringing me up short! I can't say that I immediately stopped trying to be helpful or taking the lead, but that remark gave me the insight I needed to see what my words were doing to my husband. As a woman who loves to be in control it is not always easy to keep my mouth shut and accept his decisions but it sure makes our home happier and my husband more confident of his role as head of our home when I do. I am a work in progress for sure!
Blessings on your day,
Molly (mollyl@hillcrestbc.net)

Anonymous Vanessa Wellington said...

Your blog today really hit home with me. I have a wonderful husband and I need to honor him more. Thank you for the reminders!

I'd love to win the book!

Vanessa Wellington
vanessa.wellington@hp.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you , Renee! There are no words to describe how I needed that today.
Caroline
ward9776@bellsouth.net

Anonymous LISA HODGES said...

I AM A NEWLYWED MARRIED ONLY 7 MONTHS, I OWULD LOVE TO WIN THIS BOOK.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the post. How timely this was for me!

Laurie Golden
lgolden@cb-ch.com

Anonymous Sharon Yen said...

Hi, Renee,

Thank you for the practical ways to honor our husbands.

Sharon

hjhsud@yahoo.com

Anonymous Irene said...

I really needed to read this today sometimes I forget to honor my husband and seeing this reminded me of all the wonderful things about him and what he does for his family.
Thank you.

irenie67@hotmail.com

Anonymous Shirley said...

Hi Renee. What a point you have made to me today! My husband and I have been trying so hard to get our marriage on the right track after so many years of hurtful words and attitudes on both our parts (for 37 years). We were making great progress, then a couple nights ago I lost my temper about something that made me feel disrespected. I blasted him without thinking. Later I regretted it, but the damage was done. I undid so much that we had gotten accomplished. I don't know why I have developed such a quick temper these last few years. I would love to win this book and learn from it.

Anonymous Lisa Christensen said...

I'm so glad I read my devotional today. I think I've been looking for these words for some time, now. I would love to win the book.

Thank you,
Lisa Christensen
lisa@jaw-doc.com

Anonymous Lauren said...

Thank you for the encouragement! It's just what I was struggling with.

Laurenjk@yahoo.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

God's timing is so wonderful, my husband and I just had a counseling session last night with our minister and his wife and it comes down alot to this one area for me and for him to be my protector. While, your testimony and practicals are much needed. Thank you for your example and openness.

I know God is leading me in this area and I hope that he blesses me with the book.

Dawn Runyon
dawnrunyon404@hotmail.com

Blogger Luanne said...

Oh, can I relate, Renee. I am on this same journey--last weekend, I fell back a few steps. Thanks for encouraging me again.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Carole Sprague
carole.sprague@yahoo.com

Been married 40 years--Thankfully we are quite different and I appreciate what my husband's personality adds to our family. I should ask my hubby,but like Joy's hubby he might wan to know if I'm reading a marriage quiz.
I'll just have to listen to his comments like "I'm glad you didn't... or Tou're takeing things too seriously..."

Anonymous Anonymous said...

johnsonfamily96@msn.com

Blogger cheri said...

Thanks for the great suggestions, bet I could really learn from the book. Cheri

itpsign@yahoo.com

Blogger Tonya said...

I read your blog for today and really enjoyed the insight it provided me. I knew that I was struggling in this area, but your blog pointed out that I'm in worse shape than I thought. I'm excited to start implementing your suggestions right away!

Thank you,
Tonya Hanna
tonyamhanna@gmail.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Renee,

I love reading the devotions and try very hard to apply them to my life daily. Todays message was confirmation for me that I was doing something right for once! My husband had to take a job 800 Pluss miles away and we have been apart since August. Since our house didn't sell yet and because of children in high school we have made the decision to ride this out for another 1 1/2 years. We don't know why this is to be but one thing I do daily is send my husband an email and tell him something I am thankful for about his character of something I really appreciate about him. God is really blessing this because I our communication is improving. We have been married 25 years and I thought we were doing good, but what a change has been made over the last few months! Thank you for being transparent and sharing the truth. Our husbands are a true gift from God and deserve to be honored!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for your blog today, it was very encouraging. I find it good to hear other women talk about marriage, we all have similar issues, we just need women like you to bring them to the forefront of our minds so we can actively (with God's help) deal with them,
Jo Carroll (Australia)
This book sounds great!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank You for the wonderful devotional.

Adela N.
jarbm5@hotmail.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Renee,

Thank you for your reminder to show respect to my husband. I read a book about how a wife needs to feel loved and and a husband needs to feel respected like the commandment, but sometimes it is easy ot fall into old patterns.

Sincerely,
Crystal Storms
storms.crystal@gmail.com

Blogger Penny said...

I have just begun receiving your daily devotions this week and this really hit home. I was just praying today about this very thing. What a blessing to read this devotion tonight! I definitely want to read this book!

Penny
penny.sprinkle@gmail.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was such a perfectly timed Word from God...much needed. Thank you for being so honest with the struggles you have faced and for some great suggestions.
Kim
(kdgaudreau@aol.com)

Blogger Jessica said...

Thank you for this post. My non-believing husband is asking for a divorce for this main reason. I'm still praying for our marriage, so thank you for another lesson.

Jessica Green
green0416@att.net

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks! this was a very timely and encouraging message - I will put in to practice immediately some of your suggestions - thanks,

I would love to win this book to share with my small group.
God's Blessings,

Rhonda Heston
Fort Wayne, IN
rhondacheston@verizon.net

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the devotion today. I would love to be able to encourage my husband more and discourage him less. I think this book is a great idea.
Erika Swain
erikaswain2@yahoo.com

Blogger Just me~ Bobbie Jo said...

WOW! What a great post! This very thing has been on my heart and mind lately with my own husband! It is something I need to work on!

Bobbie Jo
BJGdiva@aol.com

Anonymous Cristina Poush said...

This is an issue I have been struggling with for almost 12 years now. Thank you for your encouragement, for letting me know that I have to respect and honor my husband even if he is not always respectable and honorable. Only the Lord can change his weaknesses and only the Lord can supply me with more love, patience and understanding in dealing with him and helping him realize his purpose and role in our family. In the meantime, pray for me that I will do my best to look at my husband through the eyes of our gracious and merciful Father.

Cristina Poush
mpoush@vt.edu

Blogger Kimberly said...

WOW~! Look at all of these comments! Look at all of the marriages the Lord can touch through you! Awesome! :) Don't you love how He can take our weaknesses and the places we have messed up and use them to further His kingdom! Thanks for being a willing vessel!

Praying God will help me be the wife my husband needs,
K :)

Blogger Mrs. Hails said...

Hi Renee,

I would love to enter my e-mail address in for the drawing for that book. But first I'll share a little something about my marriage.

I would like to say that I'm so THANKFUL for the MAN God gave me. He has everything that I asked God for, and More! We met at a church we use to go to together. I didn't know who he was but I heard that everytime he seen me walk by he CHECKED me out. Someone said that he COULDN'T keep his EYES! Off of me! So right after I got out a bad relationship I asked about him and the girl that I use to be friends with said that he was asking about me. Well push came to shove I ended up giving our friendship/ relationship over to God,and here we are married a little over 2 years!

Oh I loved your message! It is EXACTLY what I needed to hear! Thank you for sharing it!

Here is my e-mail address:
lives4jesus03@yahoo.com

God bless,
Veronica

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank YOU!! I needed this tonight!!

I would love to win this book from you. Thanks for doing such a great job!!

Susie
smcobb52700@yahoo.com

Anonymous stormy said...

Stormy Fischer
stormyfischer@yahoo.com

Blogger Bonnelle Pagel said...

Very good as always... Thanks so much for your words of honesty and encouragement. May God richly bless you as you continue to seek HIM and all His ways.

Love,
Bonnelle
b.pagel@yahoo.com

Blogger Michelle said...

I have been married for almost 24 years and I don't think I have respected my husband "ever". I really needed this devo today. If I don't win this book...where can I get 2 copies, one for me and one for my daughter?

Blogger April Lemkemann said...

Renee,

Today's posting was very timely for me.

April Lemkemann
alemkemann@gmail.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is a great reminder for me! My husband and I both are pretty drained from caring for our 2 1/2 year old daughter who is very medically complicated since birth and for our older daughter who is a healthy 3 1/2 year old. A lot of time was spent 7 hours apart while I stayed with our sick daughter in the hospital and he stayed at home to work and care for our other daughter. So I don't always feel like I have the energy left to build up my husband. I'm also a nurse and I feel like I always know best in our situation because of that, which is not always true. I could definitely show him more respect and not take out my bad mood on him all the time. He is a wonderful husband and father and helps a lot in caring for both of our children. He deserves encouragement and respect from his wife. Thank you! Michelle michdiff@dejazzd.com

Anonymous ruthie said...

hi renee thanks so much for this blog today my husband and i are working on our marriage we have been married 10 yrs this dec 19 and in that time period adopted two sons from Guatamala God showing us about marriage and we would highly recommend the movie FireProof we are both reading the book we are reading it together and gave the book to each other for our anniversary if anyone is struggling in there marriage go see the movie FireProof with Curt Camron it will change how you look at things it is doing that for both of us be blessed

Anonymous ruthie said...

hi renee just saw a great movie with my husband called FireProof we are reading the book together and has been life changing in our marriage please for anyone struggling in there marriage see this movie with Curt Cameron it will change how you look at marriage

Anonymous Anonymous said...

this was what i needed! I am always
beating myself up because I am not letting my husband be the head of our home. I came from a very dysfunctional family and had to learn early in life to fend for myself. It has been so hard to sit
back and try and be the submissive wife i know i need to be. i truly believe God brought my husband and myself together, but there are so many days lately that i think he might have been alittle crazy!
I need all the ideas I can get because I really do want to make him the head of our home. we have a 14 year old daughter and i am so worried about what she is perceiving about marriage.
thanks again for the article and i really need this book.






lynn
glhastings@comcast.net

Blogger Kim said...

Hello,
I read your blog and I am so lost for words. I think it is too late for my husband and I. We got married a year and a half ago and he has been unfaithful to me with several women, he does not work or contribute to any bills in the home. I do everything. He does not have any remorse for being unfaithful. We never do anything together i work so hard all week in a very stressful environment and I don't have anything to look forward to at the weekend. Most weekends he is out at parties till the next morning. How can I respect a man like that. I try so hard to respect him but it is so difficult because I feel so hurt. Can you advise me on what I can do. He will not go with me for counselling.

Kim - Vancouver

Blogger Rachel said...

Oh how encouraged I am right now! I am right in the middle of your story. I have realized how dishonoring I have been in our marriage and am now working to build my amazing husband up with as much respect as I possibly can. Thank you so much for the encouraging words!

Blogger michaelangela said...

Thank you for sharing so honestly.
Strange, how timely God is when he knows we need conviction. And he sure does have a sense of humor about it, doesn't He? Well, I think i will go apologize to my husband now.

With Thanks and Love,
Michaelangela

Anonymous Noelle said...

How timely! We are currently working on a love and respect curriculum in our small group. It has been quite an eye opener for me, I don't always do a good job being the wife God (or my husband)wants me to be. Thanks for sharing your life lessons so we can all learn from them.

Noelle Stepp
snstepp@sbcglobal.net

Anonymous Alisha Orona said...

Thank you so much for this devotional!! It really made me stop and think about how I treat my husband! We are a very large family and with my husband being in the military leaves little time for him to be home! I step in to the role of leader and dont give it up easily if at all while he is home! Thank you for opening my eyes!

Alisha Orona (Washington State)
alisha.orona@hotmail.com

Blogger Victoria said...

It makes him feel honored when I leave when he wants to leave. The Lord had to really help me with that one ("I'm not ready to leave"), and I am so thankful. Now it is something I take pride in. I always ask when we get in the car, did I do okay leaving when you wanted to? And it blesses me to know that I have done something to please and honor his desires. It is a small thing that has brought us closer. I always enjoy your blog and appreciate that you shared your humbling moment with all of us. God bless.

Anonymous Beth Holland said...

Renee,
What powerful words that I needed to be reminded of today! I to am a very independent, strong willed, take charge person and it is a complete weakness for me to "let go".....for years I have thought, cried, fought, prayed, and given up a time or two that I could not change him, well - it's not him....Thank you....I am now rethinking and have been on bended knee asking for guidance to now repair my 23 year marriage

Anonymous Claudia said...

My husband feels honored when I don't disregard what he says or does.

Claudia
clod79@hotmail.com

Blogger Diony said...

Renee,
Thank you for your words of insight. The timing was great-I just had an argument with my husband and came in the bedroom to think dishonorable thoughts about him. :)I checked my email on my laptop and there was your devotional. A good reminder of things I already know, but continue to struggle with. Thanks again.

Diony George
dionyg@hotmail.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Renee,

Thank you for your refreshing honesty, it makes it so easy to identify with you on a pesonal level, yet you clearly have worked past any condemnation of past mistakes by working it through with God.

I hope to be in this place, although I am not married I have made similar mistakes in my relationships. I don't want to repeat this if the Lord gives me a godly husband. Thank you.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW, After reading the devotion, I have read several of these post!
Thank you for writing in such a REAL way! May God bless you and your family!
K Patton
Georgia

Anonymous LuAnn said...

This was so enlightening. This is one area that I struggle with and continue to fall. Fortunatly God has opened my eyes and I am learning that I am the one that God needs to change.
Thank you!!

Anonymous Joanne said...

I am in a troubled marriage of only a year. After being widowed after 13 years of marriage, I thought I had men and marriage all figured out. Wrong! I totally have been dis-honoring my husband, but was really convicted this morning after reading this devotional and blog. Selfish little ME ME ME! I am only thinking about how I am un-loved and un-appreciated. I just sent my hubby a text message to say I was sorry and thank him for a few things. Of course I hope for a kind response, but I know in my heart that God wants me to honor and respect my husband regardless of his actions. AND to pray for him without ceasing.

Thank you for reminding me of God's ways, not mine.

Joanne
roseintaff@yahoo.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for your insights, they are very encouraging.

Blogger emily the mom said...

This is exactly what I needed today!

I get so caught up in everybody's elses feelings somedays, that my husband's feelings often end up being the ones pushed asisde.

Thank you for reminding me to take a moment to appreciate him, thank God for him, and tell him so.

emily@theory8recods.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Renee,

I've been thru what you've been thru. Only thing is my perseption of respect was different from my husbands. And God opened my eyes to see. But your blog was a reminder to me to follow thru what I learnt. God has also shown me that Love for a woman and Respect for a Man is like an equation for a happy marriage. It's like some there is some chemistry between the two and like a formula in a sucessful marriage.

Anonymous denise said...

Hi Renee,

A girlfriend of mine sent me your blog and I couldn't believe that I have dishonored my husband and God
many times. I would love to have this book to help me and my marriage, I want to honor God and my husband and I believe your book will help me. Thank you

Denise Malave-Vicente(thevicentes@yahoo.com)

Anonymous Jill Vogel said...

It always amazes me how God puts stuff in our face when we need it the most. My husband and I have a good marriage, but I know we can have a better one. I would love to win this book, because I know it could, with God's help, mold our relationship to be a great one. Thanks for the opportunity!
God Bless
Jill Vogel jillvogel75@yahoo.com

Blogger Eternity777 said...

Wow - soooo good to read your blog today. My husband and I are struggling through a "season" right now, and I desperately need to know what he needs from me!!! Would love to win the book!!!!!

God bless you for sharing your heart, your insight and wisdom. May God bless you for your obedience.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Renee,
Thanks for today's devotion. I have always had a hard time with letting my husband lead and to think that it may be all my fault for why he doesn't really bothers me. I want my husband to be the man God has called him to be. I don't want to look down on him. I really need your prayers. By the way I would love to win the book- I think it would be a big help to me. Thanks Again, bettylou3@insightbb.com

Blogger Eternity777 said...

ooops forgot to leave my email - cyouneternity@sbcglobal.net

Blogger m3everitt said...

Blessings Renee,

My husband and I were on the verge of divorce and turned to God to lead us in the direction of reconciliation. Your devotion was awesome today! Thanks so much!!

In HIM,
Michelle

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