Thanks for your prayers for all of us. JJ and the boys are handling our loss so much better than I am. I guess that's the advantage of being from the male species. You my friends have made me feel so understood! Your thoughts and prayers have been so comforting, so encouraging, so meaningful. Today was much better than yesterday! Radio recording was canceled due to a stomach virus our producer got so I took the unexpected gift of time to process my thoughts and wrote all that I was feeling in a letter to the girls.
Dear Shasho and Zenie,
First of all, I love your names. They make me smile when I say them. And so your sweet photos that are on computer desktop. I have been looking at your photos for days. I remember when we got the first one back in August. Then more came last week. I have loved watching your smiles turn from hesitant to hopeful.
The first photo we received was taken the day you were admitted to the orphanage. I can only imagine what must have been going through your young and innocent minds that day. Why are we here? Why are we staying with these people while our uncle walks away. Why is he crying? Why is he saying good-bye? Have we done something wrong? Will he come back or will he never return but be gone forever like our mommy and daddy?
Today I see something different. I am looking at a photo taken just last month – many weeks after you arrived. You have new home and new friends now. Today I see brightness in your eyes and joy in your smile. I wonder if you know that you are loved. I wonder if you have been held while you cried and assured that there is hope ahead. I wonder if you have been told that someone will come for you and that you will one day have a forever family – where you will be loved and protected.
Sweet Shasho and Zenie, there is nothing you have done to deserve what you are going through. There is nothing you have done to put yourself where you are. Illness and disease have kept you from knowing your mommy and daddy. Poverty has taken you from your uncle and the only home you’ve known sweet girls. But the God of the universe has kept you close to His heart. His eyes are on you and He is watching over you, making sure that you will never be alone. He promises that He will never leave you. His riches are endless and He will never run out of supplies to meet your needs.
Even now as I write to you, God is placing you into a new family. I was hoping and praying that it would be our family. I thought for sure that was God’s plan, but today it seems that it is not. You see another family came to see you and fell in love with you the same way I did. This family had the wonderful privilege of meeting you in person, sitting across from you at the table, listening to you laugh and feeling the warmth of your hands in theirs. They got to watch you interact with the other children and see you playing on the swings. I have to admit that I’m envious of this time they had with you. I wish I could’ve been there. I wish I could have looked into your glistening eyes and seen sparkles of hope when you smiled. But I know that this is God’s plan and that I can trust Him.
I want what is best for you and I have been praying that God would lead all of us in His perfect ways. I wanted you to come home with us if that was His best. But I have to believe for some reason He has something even better. This is a family that is going to love you and help you become all that He created you to be. They are going to be so blessed to have you as their daughters. You will bring such joy and laughter to their home.
God brought you into my life for a reason. I have prayed for you and loved you in my heart and I will continue to. I am okay with the fact that you will never know my love on earth, because I believe that I will get to tell you one day in Heaven. I am praying that I will get to see you and hug you and tell you how very special you are!I am praying for you sweet girls that were never mine! I am praying that God is preparing a place in your heart to love and trust your new family. Spread your arms wide, open your heart and let Love in!
You will always be in my heart,