God Hurt My Feelings
I am sitting all alone in the Phoenix airport. I got to the Charlotte airport 9 hours ago. I was scheduled to leave at 9:35 on a direct flight to San Francisco, landing at noon and spending the day with my dear friend Cris.

She lives in Sacramento and is going to pick me up and drive me to Vacaville where I am speaking this weekend. I have not seen her in over a year. We were going to spend the whole day together, but I missed my flight this morning. So, I was re-routed to Phoenix and will be here for 3.5 hours waiting for my next flight. I'll arrive in CA at 6:55pm. I will have spent 13 hours in a airplane or an airport today. Poor pitiful me!

If only I had packed a smaller suitcase. I was running late but I got there 4o minutes before take-off. I could have made it to the gate, but they would not take my suitcase at the counter, and they would not send it on the next plane to meet me later. You have to travel together, they said.

But that's not what hurt my feelings. It know it was my fault. I should have woken up sooner, hurried faster, not lingered as long in my husbands arms, put my make-up on at the airport, filled my gas tank yesterday....

It didn't even hurt my feelings that God didn't give me a nice airport person to help me. I mean it would have been great if He had. It would have been wonderful if I had not gotten stuck in horrible traffic and very helpful if He'd reminded me that my gas tank was empty and I needed to allow more time.

I almost cried at the ticket counter, but I decided to be a big girl. I made a choice to be encouraged that God wanted to spend our day together alone, in a different location. So I moved my car to a cheaper parking lot, got myself a latte and called two friends. I needed someone in the world to feel sorry for me.

I was doing okay and making the most of this "opportunity." I boarded my new flight an hour and a half later, got out my Bible and started reading, even talked to the people beside me. We were going to be in the air almost 5 hours and I was tired, but I don't sleep well next to strangers. So I decided I just needed a little protein to give me some energy and I'd be fine, as long as I got some food in my stomach.

It was noon by now and they announced our menu options...my heart pitter-pattered, my mouth watered, my tummy grumbled and I reached into my purse for some cash. And that is when it happened. There was NO MONEY.

Okay God, my feelings are hurt! I mean You knew this was going to happen, couldn't You have remembered to put lunch money in my purse!?

Then I thought, maybe my my new friends sitting on my aisle will offer to cover for me. But instead, they gave me their peanuts. So, I ate 6 paks of airplane trail mix and drank the rest of my cold latte.

I know God loves me. I know He's with me. He even provided some good airport food here. I will still get to see Cris and spend time with her tomorrow. But I am still pouting... and I need a nap.


Blogger Jai said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger Jai said...

Renee, I know you know it, but God loves you. It is times like these that do make you wonder "why". I had something similar happen, but it is gonna cost me $5,000 .. all because I didn't make a call. One call. My husband and I both keep saying, why didn't God remind us to make the call. The lesson here at least for me IS to plan better and not wait until the last minute. God knows ALL thank goodness and He IS our and your Jehovah Jireh, the Lord our provider.

Hope your weekend is VERY well and you have a ball with your friend. Let God use you this weekend while it seems you are empty, let Him fill you up.

Blogger Lysa TerKeurst said...

Sweet Sweet Sister. Look on the bright side. I bet you are like 5 pounds thinner. And that always makes a girl happy.

Praying the rest of your trip goes better.

Love you friend!

Blogger melanie said...

Oh Renee - I just wanted to cry for you, thinking about that long day. I am just going to pray for blessings galore this wkend! melanie

Blogger Holly said...

Hi Renee!
5 lbs thinner and 1 lb wiser!!!
Love you friend...
You know, if I would have been with you, we would not have been late!!!! haha just kiddin'!

Blogger Amy L Brooke said...

It is hard isn't it when you manage not to cry, you smile, and try to make the best of it and it feels like God looked the other way? It just feels that way though. I PROMISE He didn't even blink! He never lost sight of you all day But I know it feels that way. Lunch money . . . . I would have given you some money if I had been sitting next to you!

I have so been working on the hope thing. I've been working on it every which way I can. The last few days I've been thinking, so, "God, can you at least meet me half way on all of this?" Wrong thought! He went all the way for me, but golly, it still feels hard at times. But then I'm trying to change a life time of negative thoughts . . . . Still, I think I'd like to order a miracle.

Mabye there have been miracles. I don't know.

I'm still working on a way for She Speaks. :-) To pay for Christmas I got a job at Barnes and Noble (everyone got books cause we get a 30% discount) and there were serveral times I worked 16 hour days. (Yuck!) They couldn't keep me . . . but said they would keep me as "seasonal" -- kind of a call in basis. Hoorah! I've gotten called in twice this week.

And I've discovered a blossoming small talk side. (I do really poorly with that most times, but I'm learning how to carry on a playful banter with the customers and the other employees. Prep too, I think for initially connecting with people else where . . . .)

And I've managed to not buy any more booksthough there are few I really want! YEAH! I know I would "save" since I'm working but the object is to SAVE.

But I do get to peruse and faithfully turn out my favorite authors to face out and short list (a request to the management to order them and they actually usually do!)them in the computer when they are getting low!

I do hope you have a good weekend and the talk goes well and all of that. I hope you have a wonderful time with your firend. I bet she'll give you lunch money!

Blogger Amy L Brooke said...

Yikes. Sorry that was so long. I didn't mean to ramble so much!

Blogger April said...

Hey Renee! Bless your heart! It has been my personal experience that when things aren't going so well before a time of ministry, it usually means that God is going to do something awesome during that time. And I'm sure the enemy knows it and is trying to get you down and make you upset so that your focus is on yourself and not on what God has called you to do. I have been there so many times, but it seems like you are keeping a smile on your face and seeing the "good" in your circumstances(wish I could say I always did that!) I am certain that God is going to move powerfully this weekend and I will be praying for you, that God will strengthen you and uphold you, and minister through you this weekend. I pray that the rest of your trip will go smoothly and you will feel and see the hand of God wherever you go! God bless! April Is.41:10

Blogger Amy Wyatt said...

I agree with April... the enemy is trying to distract and discourage you. God has something powerful planned for this weekend. I'll be praying the rest of your trip goes well.

Blogger Joyful said...

Dear Renee, can't wait to hear how God is going to show Himself to you this weekend as you trust Him. How my heart aches for you as I read through your day...you must have felt so alone. I had one of those days last week...but God had prepared my heart at 6am in the morning as I was reading my devotional. It said, "You will need grace today to accept disappointments." God did give me His grace. Praying that He will rain down His love and grace on you this weekend - and may you be caught without your umbrella.
Love & prayers,

Oh, I have been there before.

I may have held it together like you at the ticket counter, but the "no cash" would have made me cry.

Maybe that is what you should do next time to get those sitting around you to pay for your food? ;)

Have a blessed weekend!

Blogger Renee Swope said...

Jai, my pity party ended when I read your comment. Bless YOUR heart and your finances. I am praying for a miraculous turn-around for you or a gift from Heaven.

And to all of my sweet praying frineds, thank you so much!!!! I am sure I wouldn't have been late if I had Holly, Melanie or Aimy to get me there and they would have made sure I had money on me! I need a traveling buddy hooked to my pocket!

I really, really appreciate your prayers. I made it here sage, wrote my post for tomorrow and am headed to bed right now. Yay!!!

Okay, I've got to get you P31 girls flyin the right airline. Being a flight attendant I see these types of happenings all of the time. That's one reason I love my job. God has sent me to be an encourager for the discouraged traveler and a rejoicer for the joyous traveler. Girl, if you would have been on one of my flights I would have taken great care of you. It's still hard for me to imagine you having to pay for a meal on an airplane. My airline prides itself on offering free food so when I hear these stories it makes me sad. I've been flying 11 years and never had to charge someone for a meal. Paying for a ticket and traveling is stressful enough, I'm bummed that the industry has taken this turn. I pray that your return trip is full of joy and that God puts wonderful people in your path. And if they are not so wonderful, that's okay, because I know they will see Jesus in you! Happy Traveling.

Blogger Digging for Pearls said...

I just got a chance to read this today (Friday).I'm so sorry you had such a rough day yesterday. My heart goes out to you. Whenever I go through rough times I cling to the knowledge that "God is not surprised." and above all else, I know that I can trust Him. Even in the midst of storms this helps to give some measure of comfort.

I will be praying that you have a great time with your friend and that the conference you are speaking at goes wonderful and that you sense God's presence in a very special way.

Feeling your woes with you.

Blogger Jai said...

Thank you Renee for your prayers! God IS taking care of me. He is so awesome!

Please let us know how God used your "test" for a testimony. I know there is one coming!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want to know the name of the man next to you, just kidding my friend. You are a blessing and I am glad you are in my neck of the woods.

Love you
Turtle Chick

Anonymous pinklani said...


I know how you felt at the airport.
My husband works for the airline's so we fly standby and this is how we spend most of our time in the airport. I have come to peace now that we may have to spend all day just to catch a flight. After 10 years of doing this it is just a natural thing to us.
My grandmother still talks about the time I had taken her and my 2 children to the beach.The gate attendent said they did not think we were going to get on, we just prayed that someone would not show up and we would all have a seat. My grandmother pulled this prayer card out of her purse, she still does not know how it got in there. God had a hand in thist and providing us 4 seats...
Another time I felt God saying when trying to get a flight out of Dallas, go into the gift shop and buy this bracelet. In the gift shop was a beautiful bracelet that said BELIEVE!
That is just what I did I trusted Him and someone that should have been boarding, decided to just wait. Praise Him~~
Flying, brings out the wonderful feeling God is close by and to guide our way.
Hope your weekend is going to be great and may God bless this adventure.
If we ever cross paths in the airport, my children would be happy to share some goldfish.

Here is a flying tip we use.
Always put a tag of the airline and a business card inside your bag, in case that luggage that we just cannot part with get's lost.

Blessings, Rachel

Blogger Angela said...

I forgot to leave my e-mail. It's atracy94@yahoo.com

Blogger Jami said...

I'm sorry you had such a rough time!

How did your speaking go?

Anonymous ScarletCurlz@aol.com said...

I sometimes get to thinking I'm the only one who feels this way. That "God hurt my feelings." Then I'm reminded that -hello!- the world isn't that itty bitty. Take care!


Oh dear. One of those days! So sorry to hear. Lifting a prayer for you. It is a wonder that no one covered for you. What is this world coming to? But I wonder what God had for you in that experience?
Much love,

Blogger Karen said...

I am just so glad you made it here safely, dear sister! Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your life with us this weekend.

It was such a joy to listen to you and talk with you this weekend. I'm so glad I was able to share your table and lunch today.

Working at living that legacy,

Post a Comment